This is the Spider House. I know it as a coffee shop, but for others I know it's more a music venue, or a restaurant, or a bar, or a place to study, or our version of Cheers. Just another eclectic Austin landmark laying claim to my city's love of all things weird. And I love it too.

A few weeks ago, I was at the Spider House sipping an iced chai as I sat across from a fellow author who lives here in Austin. We met to talk about the writing craft. About three years ago, my friend quit his lucrative job in his promising career because way deep down in the core of his soul he wanted to be a writer, and he finally grew the balls to do it. Fast forward three years and my friend is now becoming a well-known author and speaker, with one book out (and thriving) and another coming out early next year. As you might expect, I wanted to hear his story.

I really enjoyed hearing the details of his journey, and I learned a lot. But hearing his story also made me wonder how many other people feel trapped, as he did, in a life that isn’t their own. I thought of Oscar Wilde, who said,

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

That paints a sad portrait, but I wonder how often it’s really true. Just think of all the scripts we’ve been handed that we’re supposed to play out. There’s what Dad wanted for you to be, and what Mom wanted for you to be, what your ethnicity wanted you to be, what your social class wanted you to be, what your church wanted you to be, what your friends, your teachers, your neighbors, your kids, your culture and society wanted you to be. I mean, when you really look at it, just whose life are you actually living, anyway? Yours, or everybody else’s?

“One’s real life is often the life that one does not lead.” Another quote from Oscar, but I find this one more hopeful, because it assumes that there actually is a real life out there that belongs to you in particular, that you are specifically designed for, and that, while not promising to be without its own share of pain and disappointment, would nevertheless be far more fulfilling if you chose to live it because it is really yours. It’s the life you were made for.

The very thought of that makes my heart sing. But how do you go about finding where and what your “real life” is supposed to be? Like most of us, I’m still finding the answers, but here are a few questions that are helping point the way:

• What life would you most want for yourself if no one else’s expectations mattered?
• What if you had no one to impress and nothing to prove—what would you do then?
• If you could design a life of your very own, what would it look like?

Thoughts?

(By the way, helping people find the answer to those questions is what the Destiny Project and the BraveHeart Intensive are all about. If you’re curious to learn more, be sure to check them out.)