Everybody is constantly striving to change something about their lives, or about themselves. Few people actually succeed. After 20+ years of coaching, I've discovered what actually works. In this video, I tell you what it is, and how to do it. To schedule a free exploratory coaching session: To get these monthly episodes delivered directly to your inbox: Subscribe to my IDENTITY MATTERS newsletter: Practical insights, skills and practices to help you become all you are meant

We all experience a lot of changes as we grow through our early years, but most people think once we reach adulthood, that's it: We've "arrived" at maturity. But this is no where close to true; at least, it doesn't have to be. In this installment of IDENTITY MATTERS, I introduce the Stages of Adult Development. I explain: --- What the stages are --- How adults move from one stage to the next, --- Why so few adults ever reach the higher stages (4 and 5), and --- How to begin a

One of the key aspects of Shadow work involves recognizing and shifting the way the voice of shame operates in your daily life. In this video, I explore two key truths about the voice of shame, and offers two steps you can take to begin identifying and overcoming the Shame Story that's currently at work in the shadows of your consciousness. To schedule a free exploratory coaching session: To get these monthly episodes delivered directly to your inbox: Subscribe to my IDENTITY

Why is it that every time you move toward what you want, you keep running into brick walls? Is the world actually set against you? Or is there something deeper going on? In this installment of IDENTITY MATTERS, I introduce the concept of Shadow Work in coaching. I explain in broad terms — what "Shadow" is, — why every person has one, — how it got formed, — why its operation in our lives is largely unconscious, — why it's critical to bring our shadows "into the light" of our c

A simple but powerful tool for evaluating the year that's passed and setting your course for the year ahead.

In this edition of IDENTITY MATTERS, I explain why I believe society has the notion of "purpose" all wrong, and explain how you can begin to discover your purpose by asking yourself a few powerful questions. To schedule a free exploratory coaching session: To get these monthly episodes delivered directly to your inbox: Subscribe to my IDENTITY MATTERS newsletter: Practical insights, skills and practices to help you become all you are meant to be.

What the world needs now is the courage to listen.

In this episode of IDENTITY MATTERS, I explain what values are (hint: they're probably NOT what you think), and why they are absolutely critical to creating the life you were made for. I also tell you how to discover your values and build your life around them, and explain why so few people ever live from their values or even know what they are. To schedule a free exploratory coaching session: To get these monthly episodes delivered directly to your inbox: Subscribe to my IDE

When I am overwhelmed, "on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m feeling my emotions at about a 10, I'm paying attention to them at about a 5, and I understand them at about a 2. This is not a setup for successful decision making.” — Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart When life gets busy and fast-paced, whether you are stressed or excited about it depends on the story you tell yourself. If you think, "This is fun; I've got this," you'll experience your body's stress response as excitement and

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your...

“Stillness…makes space for gratitude and wonder.” — Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key Gratitude is good for you. By now I bet you’ve heard that at least 1,000 times. No doubt you’ve seen the volumes of research out there clearly demonstrating how practicing gratitude improves your mental health, strengthens your relationships, diminishes physical pain, and makes you generally healthier and more resilient. Honestly, it’s a bit like a magic bullet for improving your life. And

“We were made to enjoy music, to enjoy beautiful sunsets, to enjoy looking at the billows of the sea and to be thrilled with a rose that is bedecked with dew…Human beings are actually created for the transcendent, for the sublime, for the beautiful, for the truthful...and all of us are given the task of trying to make this world a little more hospitable to these beautiful things.” ― Desmond Tutu On a recent road trip, I listened to the audio version of The Book of Joy, writte

"Grace, she takes the blame, she covers the shame, removes the stain." — U2 I do a lot of work in churches and faith-based NPOs. In both...

Artist Ian Ruhter. Explore his amazing work at www.ianruhter.com. “Life grants us a series of opportunities, and those opportunities come with a price.” — Ian Ruhter First, watch this 10-minute video on the life and work of Ian Ruhter. Then, keep reading. 1. Here is the first thing to finding your purpose: You have to discover what you love. This can take a long time, or can happen in a single day. But you have to put your heart out there and let something take it. You have t

Note: This is part 3 of a 3-part series on risk. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here. “True mastery is really, really hard. I think...

Note: This is part 2 of series on risk. You can read part 1 here. “I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or...

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it....

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” — Howard Thurman Recently I read, in Thomas Merton’s The Sign of Jonas, about the moment he took his final, solemn vows as a monk, and his reflection on that experience—most of which could be qualified as a qui

We call it Inspiration. Or a Creative Burst. Or the Voice of the Muse. But it doesn't last. Why is that?

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." — Catherine of Siena So what if you suspect you are living the wrong story? How do you change your Defining Narrative? As I mentioned in the last post, changing your defining narrative is not easy. After all, you've lived into your current defining narrative for a long time. Its roots go deep and won't be easily uprooted. In addition, there's a good deal of fear to contend with, because changing your defining s